I will speak I will proclaim

In just a year, my one-year old has changed and grown drastically. I’ve never seen her body stretch out or her face change before my eyes in that time, but they have. When I look back at pictures of her as a newborn, the difference 12 months makes is drastic both physically and developmentally, yet I didn’t really notice it in the moment.

Our spiritual growth is a lot like our physical growth. We don’t always recognize it in the midst of it, but when we look back at who we once were and who we’re becoming, we can see change. We can see growth and maturity. In the moment it may not feel like it, but if we are in Christ then we can be assured that it’s happening.

Towards the end of Moses’s life, Moses gives a song of praise and instruction for the people of God. In it, Moses begins with this:

“Give ear, O heavens, and I will speak, and let the earth hear the words of my mouth. May my teaching drop as the rain, my speech distill as the dew, like gentle rain upon the tender grass, and like showers upon the herb. For I will proclaim the name of the LORD; ascribe greatness to our God!” (Deuteronomy 32:1-3, emphasis mine).

That may seem just like typical Bible writing, but the repetition of Moses speaking has more significance when you look back at the beginning of Exodus, when God first called Moses to lead his people out of Egypt. What a change from Moses in Exodus 4:10:

“But Moses said to the LORD, ‘Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue.’”

When God called Moses to lead His people out of slavery in Egypt, one of Moses’ excuses was a weakness of some sort of speech impediment. However, at the end of his life, Moses boasts in proclaiming the works of the Lord! He boasts in one of the very things he was weak in (2 Corinthians 12:9-11).

Moses’ confidence in proclaiming the goodness of God didn’t just come over night. Over the course of 40 years, he has seen the plagues in Egypt, and how God did indeed take Israel out of Egypt, just as He said. He’s seen the parting of the Red Sea, food from heaven, and water out of a rock in the desert. But he’s also experienced the burden of leading the obstinate Israelites who tested the Lord, grumbled against the Lord, and “whored” after other gods. And Moses had to intercede before God on behalf of the Israelites again and again. From Exodus 4 to Deuteronomy 32, so much has happened. Moses’ maturity and growth was not all a pretty process. It was full of trial and pain, but also the faithfulness and power of God. And through both good and difficult experiences, Moses matured in Christ and his life, in the end, points to the goodness and glory of God.

About seven years ago, my husband and I started the process of forming a new church in Austin, Texas. As I look back at just those years, the way God has come through over and over again has built my faith and grown me, while simultaneously humbling me. It’s funny to look over past prayer journals and to see the fears and unknowns that came with church planting: What if the church doesn’t take off? What will people think of me as I share the gospel? What will people think because I’m so young? Are we doing this right? Even just a couple weeks before launching, we were still asking the critical question: Where will we meet?

All these questions seem small and insignificant now, but not because the trials weren’t big, but because now I’ve seen my God is bigger. He has come through time after time. He has shown me His faithfulness. He has proven again and again to be a good, loving Father who I can trust. I expect that any fears, trials, unknowns, or insecurities from today will once again be miniscule as I look back at my life again in seven years. And even more so in eternity:

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison” (2 Corinthians 4:17)

Sister, what fears are you wrangling with? What insecurities are you aching for Jesus to give you confidence in? How might the trials you’re experiencing make you depend on God more and know Him more intimately? Take heart. In the midst of trial, the weight of insecurities and crippling fears may feel unbearable. But He who called you is faithful. Like babies, we don’t often see growth in ourselves when we’re in the midst of it, but we can eagerly expect that in the end we will see how God grows and matures us. May we remember to look back and recognize the fears He’s quieted, the insecurities He’s given us confidence in, and the trials that have led us to knowing Him more. And may we cling to the good news that Jesus became weak on that cross so that we who were weak may be made strong in Him.