As I looked around the days after Christmas, with all of the toys on the floor and mess everywhere, I thought, “I can’t handle this!” My kids were knee-deep in remote control cars, barbies, kid makeup, stuffed animals, and blocks. My four-year-old daughter was yelling at her two-year-old brother over touching her stuff, and he was hitting her in response. It felt like chaos.
As a parent, and it seems like in particular a mom, you want to do everything perfectly. We hear from the world that YOU, the parent, are the one in charge of how successful, smart and well-rounded your child becomes. You need to get the best, most engaging, and __toys, but not TOO many toys or they won’t be able to focus. Moms need to spend as much time as possible playing with their kids and taking them to educational outings, but you better have a very nice, organized house and time for yourself as well!
Lately, I have questioned whether I am doing the right thing in keeping my kids out of certain activities due to covid concerns. I have wanted my daughter in dance classes the last year, because she is the ultimate performer and loves singing and dancing all the time. On one hand, I want her to dance because I know she would really enjoy it and get more socialization, but on the other hand, I worry she will get sick. Insert “mom guilt” either way!
Mom Guilt
Have you experienced this guilt? Thinking you are not doing the right thing, wishing you could do more, or worried your kids will fall behind in one way or another because of you? Whether you work outside the home or you are a stay at home mom, all of the demands of motherhood have been compared to a balancing act. Do not let the balls drop, or if you drop some, make sure it’s the “plastic”, less important things. Our conscience can feel these demands as quite burdensome.
Yet, as a follower of Jesus, we know that we are not to look around the world as an example of what to do and not do, but instead at Jesus and God’s words in the Bible. We know, as the song says, He’s got the whole world in his hands. “ He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name…his understanding has no limit.” (Ps. 147:4-5). He gives us life, breath, and a purpose to bring Him glory. I know He is trustworthy and holds my children in his hands, even when I make mistakes. When I do not hold it together well, when balls fall, when I do not make healthy food 3 days in a row, when I get frustrated by kids fighting, when I let them watch more television than they should, He is still good and in control of their lives. God loves my kids even more than I can because he “knitted them together in their mother’s womb” and knows every hair on their head.
So where does that leave us? Do our actions and choices as mothers matter? Is God greater than us? Is He working things in our hearts and our children’s hearts that are much larger than anything we can do? The answer to all is-yes! God has given us children with the unique and beautiful responsibility to not just help them navigate choices and the future with wisdom, but to “bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Eph 6:4). Yet, in God’s infinite knowledge, he knows that as parents, we can be unwise, selfish or angry, discouraging our children and causing strife. God works with us and “His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts above ours” to care for our children in ways that we are not in control of (Isaiah 55:9). This is an amazing gift. The gift of children, taken care of not only by loving parents who work to know and show the love of God to them, but by a good, loving, all-knowing and all-powerful God. This tension of God’s sovereignty and our responsibility impacts nearly every space of our lives, not just motherhood.
Remembering These Truths
So now, I can rest in the fact that “while I work as if unto the Lord” in mothering, I can trust my child’s future to God as he increases my dependency on Him. But the problem is, what if I struggle to remember this? Even if I do remember that God is trustworthy and I can depend on him as a mother, what if I struggle to believe it? If you’re anything like me, I can look at social media and think “ I should be doing that! If I am not cooking every day, homeschooling, and reading 1,000 books before kindergarten, x, y and z, then I must not be doing enough. I need to do more for them, I need to get it together, they deserve more.” There is grace for the times we forget that it is not just about us. There is grace when we think that only our choices matter in the lives of our kids.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”.
2 Corinthians 12:9
When our thoughts go to ourselves and our lack, Jesus is there to show us His sufficiency. He does not lack. He has all wisdom and authority and gives us the beautiful ability to walk alongside Him. He says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you” (James 1:5). One of the ways God can show Himself the most is by using us, our ongoing prayers, teachings, and caring hearts, to nurture children with His help.
