How do you feel when someone says to you, “I forgive you?”  Do you feel relieved?  Freed up?  Like you’re closer to this person than you were before?  If that’s how it feels to receive forgiveness, then how might it feel to be the one extending it?

“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me?  Up to seven times?  Jesus answered, “ I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.”  Matthew 18:21-22

In the Bible, the number seven signifies completion.  So when Peter suggests that he forgive his brother seven times, he is actually asking if he should forgive his brother every time he sins. Then Jesus takes it to the next level saying not only seven times, but seventy times seven…signifying there is no limit to the number of times we should forgive those who wrong us.

If you’re like me, this makes you cringe a little bit.  Did Jesus really say EVERY time? I’m all for others forgiving me when I screw up, but what about the people in my life who have seriously hurt me and my family?  How can I possibly be expected to forgive them?  

In all honesty, writing this has made me realize just how much unforgiveness I really have in my heart.  I truly hate conflict.  I hate it so much that when someone hurts me I stuff my feelings and pretend that things are okay on the outside so that I don’t have to deal with it.  Unfortunately, simply stuffing feelings does not make the hurt go away, it only masks the problem.  I am just recently realizing the strain that my own unforgiveness has put on my relationships with a few individuals in particular.  Each time I see these people an invisible wall goes up around my heart.  I get tense and don’t know how to engage with them.  How on earth can I move past those feelings?

“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” Colossians 3:13

So what does this really mean for us?  Forgiveness is not forgetting what happened, and it is certainly not condoning someone’s wrongful behavior.  The Greek word for “forgiveness” actually translates: “to let go”, like when a person does not demand payment for a debt.  Forgiveness acknowledges the debt, but chooses to let it go. Of course our ultimate example of this is Jesus.  According to Scripture it was while we were still in debt to God that Christ died for us (Romans 5:8).  Before we could ever utter a prayer of repentance, He went to the cross.  He made the choice to “let go” of our debts, something we certainly did not deserve, for the sake of our relationship with Him.  

“Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.” Micah 7:18-19

What do you need to let go of?  Is there someone that comes to mind as you read this? Unforgiveness is like saying to someone, “you owe me.”  Constant buried feelings of “you owe me” can produce deep-rooted feelings of bitterness that put barriers in our relationships and keep us from experiencing joy and freedom.  This is why we are encouraged to get rid of all bitterness and forgive as Christ forgave us (Ephesians 4:31-32).  By holding onto our pain, we are only causing ourselves more grief.  Forgiving someone lifts the weight of “you owe me” and allows us to open the door to possible reconciliation with that person.

Thankfully, God is slowly but surely healing different parts of me, and helping me to “let go”.  In showing me my own deep need for forgiveness from Him, He is turning my heart towards compassion for the individuals I need to forgive.  This steady process of healing the bitterness in my heart is allowing me to begin to experience the freedom that comes with extending forgiveness to those who have caused me deep pain.

Who do you need to forgive?  Or who do you need to ask forgiveness?  Don’t wait for that person to come to you.  Pray and ask for the courage to take the first step of reconciliation toward that person, and feel the weight lifted off of you.  

Some first steps:

• Realize that hurt people hurt people.  So what that person said/did to you may come from a place of hurt they might not be aware of.  Remembering this has given me more compassion for some of those who have hurt me in my own life and made moving toward forgiveness much easier.
• Remember what forgiveness is NOT: condoning sin, saying that what they did is “ok”, pretending it didn’t hurt, or forgetting what happened.
• Pray and ask God to show you areas in which you have fallen short, and allow yourself to experience forgiveness from Him.  Then ask for help in extending that same forgiveness towards the person you feel hurt by.
• Don’t wait!  Seek forgiveness and reconciliation with that person as soon as you can  (if possible) so that your anger doesn’t fester and turn into bitterness.